WHY DID SHE NOT REPORT?

Pweh! It was a long one at the gym this morning (thank God for public holidays), had to workout those birthday pounds (the joy of cake and ice-cream). Chilling at the café across the street with glasses of lemonade, we (my gym-mates and I) chatted away about work, family, lovers, singlehood just name it.

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed a couple having a little argument at the table beside us, I could not quite hear them but the lady was close to tears while the guy was fuming. At a point, he could not keep it down anymore, he screamed ‘How come you dint report the rape?’ Everyone went quiet and all eyes were on them. The lady busted into uncontrollable tears, I had the urge to move over to their table and console her.

But really, why would a lady not report a rape? Let us get the basics, what is rape?

Rape is an unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consent of the victim (Dictionary.com). Rape is the crime of forcing somebody to have sex with you especially using violence (Oxford Advanced Learners’ Dictionary). It is typically committed by men. In its simplest form it is not just an urgent, unexpected sexual desire that needs to be satisfied. Instead, it is the violent expression of power against another. Rape is primarily about power and its abuse. The ‘offence of rape’ is changing, it has continued to become more complex, and malleable. If you thought rape is only where a man uses violence against a woman to have sex you would be wrong – violence is not necessary anymore; if you thought rape is where a man has sex with a woman without her consent – you would be right but consent is not black and white. A man could be guilty of rape if he ‘tricks’ a women into bed; if he agrees to use a condom but then removes it or damages it; or, if he agrees to withdraw from her but refuses to at the end. So, the offence of rape now definitely does not just concern the knife-wielding maniac in the alleyway.

So, why did she not report?

The guy stormed out leaving her in tears, I moved swiftly to their table, gave her a tissue and patted her back. She sobbed for a while and started talking. “The rapist is my friend from school. He was in town for a meeting and asked to visit me. I dint see anything wrong with that, I sent my address and he found my place. I served him chilled Zobo while we chatted about school, life and all. It was like old times. He got up to leave and we hugged. Things took a different turn after that, I noticed he wasn’t letting me go. I tapped him on the shoulder ‘Younger man, can you release me now?’ He held on. I realized he was touching me all over and I started to struggle. My struggle was useless because I am petite and he is a large fellow. In the end, he forcefully had sex with me. I had bruises all over, but couldn’t bring myself to go to the police or hospital”.

Why? I asked, “No one will believe I did not consent to it, I invited him to my house, remember? But I dint give my consent, I kept saying NO”, she sobbed. “I thought about going to the hospital, but I figured they will request for a police report or something. All I could do was have a hot bath, cry my eyes out and pray he dint infect me with anything. I lost a part of me, I was betrayed and I have tried to forget the experience”.

Dabbing my eyes, I let out a huge sigh, I must have been holding my breathe all along. Here is my question: What does one do when raped? How do we help rape victims? How can rape be avoided?